Battling the grief :(

To grieve or to mourn is always something that I have associated with death and the loss of a loved one. This is absolutely what it is. But I didn't realise you can grieve and mourn in with other 'losses'. After our recent disappointing appointment, I struggled quietly a lot inside and I expressed some … Continue reading Battling the grief 😦 →

A disappointing first ‘IVF appointment’

What we expected to be our first IVF appointment turned out to be anything but that. In a previous post I explained how amazingly our appointments were moved forward (after human error causes lots of delays) but that the most recent change shook me up. We were promised that our first appointment at Addenbrookes, Cambridge … Continue reading A disappointing first ‘IVF appointment’ →

“It will be worth the wait…”

Something so often said to us but something I don't want to hear. I don't want to wait. I don't know why I have to wait and most other couples (7 out 8) don't have to wait. Why me? Why us? Why did God choose us as the couple amoungst our friends who have to … Continue reading “It will be worth the wait…” →

Today is another bad day

Just when I thought I was beginning to feel better, a little brighter in myself, to the point that I was happy and excited to go to a baby shower tomorrow, I have fallen apart again. And had to pull out of the baby shower to celebrate my soon-to-be-here niece. Since we had our appointment … Continue reading Today is another bad day →

Just hopping on another roller coaster…

So, my husband and I decided that we needed a few days away from the world so we booked ourselves a couple of nights at a beautiful spa hotel way away from where we lived. Life in the last 6/12/18 etc months has just been really, really hard. Feb half term holidays were coming up … Continue reading Just hopping on another roller coaster… →

People boasting about their pregnancy…

I am so done with this. Not being able to have children naturally it too much for me right now. From the very bottom of my heart, I am so pleased, over-the-moon, thrilled [replace word for happiest I can be] for those who are getting pregnant. I genuinely really am. But I wish some people … Continue reading People boasting about their pregnancy… →

I don’t know how to feel

Usually when I'm writing a post, I know what I want to say or how I'm feeling or something at all. But today I don't know how I feel or what to say. I almost feel nothing. After getting the news that we have an appointment at the fertility clinic on Friday just gone, I've … Continue reading I don’t know how to feel →

As Ronan Keating once sang, “Life is a rollercoaster…” Bad news and good news.

What. A. Week. I am totally overwhelmed, exhausted, broken, desperate, hopeful, excited, terrified... Let me tell you about our week. Last Friday: We both get home from school and there is a letter waiting for us. It tells us that our appointment at Addenbrookes has been cancelled and that we are to contact the surgery … Continue reading As Ronan Keating once sang, “Life is a rollercoaster…” Bad news and good news. →

Just waiting…

If there is something I am learning more about than I expected in this time, it is about waiting. I am an incredibly impatient person. At school, I'm fairly calm. In fact, throughout the years prior to being a teacher, my teacher training and since becoming a teacher, something I am often being told is … Continue reading Just waiting… →

When Mother Nature arrives

Today, after 4 days of cramps, pre-period spotting, and 2 pregnancy tests because, like every month, I convinced myself that the pre-period spotting and cramps were early pregnancy symptoms, my period has arrived. I'm devastated. Absolutely heart-broken yet again. I really thought this would be the month. But I'm also really angry at myself because … Continue reading When Mother Nature arrives →