It’s 4am, I can’t sleep and I know I am not okay right now.
I am currently on a hormone drug called Norethisterone. For me, it is to delay my period.
But that’s not it’s only effect.
- I am so bloated. I almost convinced myself that I am in fact actually pregnant! Jokes. Of course I am not but it wouldn’t surprise me if someone else thought I was. Just look…
So yeah, that’s a pretty grim side effect. But nothing compared to number 2…
2) This side effect is one that I had heard about but wasn’t sure if it would happen to me. But oh boy it did! The emotional place that this teenie tiny pill took me too was horrendous. I mean, impressive that something so small can have such a profound impact.
I have found myself in such a painful place. I feel so low. It’s a depressive place that is hard to come out of. I feel broken and I feel like giving up. There have been moments where I have genuinely questioned whether this process will ever be worth it, even if a baby comes out of it. Is this heartache and depression worth it? I’m not sure right now. And that is a really horrible thought to have.
There have also been moments where I have become so incredibly angry. Sometimes for no reason, or sometimes where something small triggers me. But I become consumed by a deep rage in every inch of my body.
The other day, I was at school and it was lunchtime. Nothing happened but an uncontrollable rage came across my whole body. I was shaking and couldn’t focus on anything. I just had to sit and wait and ride it out. It didn’t last the full hour of lunch so by the time the children came in, there was just a little bit of irritability floating around!
But right now, it’s 4am, I can’t sleep and I just keep thinking about this situation we are in, the place I never wanted to be in and the fact that this might still never work.
And I cannot wait to be off this dreaded drug…
Journeying to Family 