I am so done with this.
Not being able to have children naturally it too much for me right now.
From the very bottom of my heart, I am so pleased, over-the-moon, thrilled [replace word for happiest I can be] for those who are getting pregnant. I genuinely really am.
But I wish some people would put a warning on their constant posts about their perfect, planned/unplanned pregnancy that is making you feel like the woman you were created to be, like a goddess even, and that this is the most beautiful experience you’ve ever gone through.
Really it is great for you. But please be aware that not all people have the same experiences as you.
You’re constant posts make me feel like less of a woman, like I should know that my life is not a perfect dream like yours, and that I am worthless.
Because after all, I didn’t get pregnant unexpectedly, and I didn’t get pregnant within a few months of trying. Therefore, I feel like a failure when compared to your ‘perfect’ story.
That may sound dramatic, but in the place I am in, right now, at 6am in the morning, being unable to sleep with thousands of thoughts running through my head, that is exactly how I feel.
Sorry if it offends anyone, but in the same way you aren’t going to hide even some of your celebrations of your pregnancy journey for fear of upsetting the infertile like me, I am also not going to hide my distress and pain for fear of upsetting the super fertile.
What I am not saying is you should never post about the joys of pregnancy, really it isn’t! I actually enjoying seeing some, namely 1 or 2 a week is fine. But 3 or 4 a day is excessively.
You have the joy of every single day waking up and knowing you’re pregnant; with every kick, hiccup, wriggle in your belly, you get to celebrate that you are going to be a parent soon and a child is growing inside you; you know that in the next few months you will bring a real life, actual human baby into this world and get to love them with everything you have, cherish them and bring them up; you get to hold a baby that was formed beautifully and easily in your womb, and hold them close to you and feel their breath on your skin as they sleep on your chest; you get to know that yours and your partner’s body is doing what it is supposed to do, what it was made to do without having to worry about it; you don’t have to worry about having to pay tens of thousands of pounds for the chance of having your own biological child when it might not work anyway.
You are so blessed… more than you will ever, ever know. Especially if you didn’t have a struggle to concieve.
Surely all of that is plenty of joy, without having to constantly remind others about it.
Now I am aware alot of people will be disagreeing with me. And I am sorry. But please don’t think this is me saying I hate when a pregnant woman posts about her pregnancy or celebrates a milestone. I really love it and in fact in gives me hope and for a moment I dare to dream that one day it could be me.
But all the time is a bit much.
It is really painful and makes me feel worthless.
So just think, you dont know what everyone is going through. If you did, maybe youd put a trigger warning on it or something.
(This is not aimed at one person btw, if you’re reading this and have been pregnant during my journey! This is a culmination of what I’m feeling and what I’ve read and heard about on plenty of other infertility blogs and posts)
**Edit** I don’t usually come back and edit my posts because of the genuine emotions felt when writing it, so I won’t change the content of this but I just want to reiterate that genuinely, I do love, like really love, seeing people’s posts about being pregnant. It makes me feel a little excited that maybe (and only maybe) I may get to experience that too. I will never experience the unplanned or easy conception that most people do, and that absolutely breaks my heart. Unless you’ve experienced it, luckily you will never know that kind of heart break. Too many of those posts reiterate to me that our infertility is real and that this is a painful journey for us. It makes me incredibly jealous and almost angry; two traits which I hate and I don’t want to feel and I certainly do not want to project that onto anyone. But I am, I am so jealous that so many of my friends and family have an easy journey to conception and it absolutely crushes and destroys my soul. I hope you all understand the heart behind this post… not to condemn but just to shed some light on what too many posts make me feel. And I hope it’s ok to be honest.
Journeying to Family 