Usually when I’m writing a post, I know what I want to say or how I’m feeling or something at all.
But today I don’t know how I feel or what to say.
I almost feel nothing.
After getting the news that we have an appointment at the fertility clinic on Friday just gone, I’ve not really known how I’m feeling.
Some moments I’m incredibly emotional and overwhelmed with what has happened.
There are times where I am filled with terror as I think ahead to what lies before us.
I have had more moments of real heartbreak. How did it ever come to this?
But some moments I just feel numb. I don’t feel anything.
Except absolute utter exhaustion.
I am so exhausted.
I just want to curl up in a ball, in the warmth somewhere and hibernate for 6 months.
I have never been exhausted in this way before. It’s an exhaustion that I’ve not ever felt or experienced before.
Throughout this process, I’ve realised that emotional turmoil and heartbreak can do things to your body that nothing else can. It is tired and weary, it is hungry but doesnt want to eat, it aches in a broken way but not in a ive-just-ran-a-marathon kind of way… it just wants to turn off and go to sleep.
Literally all the time.
So I’m ending this post the way I started it… not knowing how I feel except exhausted and numb.
I’m off to go and sleep.
After I’ve done some marking š«…
Journeying to Family 