Courage during infertility

Being a Christian, the word ‘courage’ is often used. We are told to be full of courage because God is always with us and he will help us through.

Now during this time of infertility and uncertainty, I have never doubted that He is with me. I know that. But it doesn’t make me feel courageous. I feel weak, unable and incredibly broken. My eyes are constantly hurting either from the never-ending tears that seem to spring up at any random moment, or they hurt from the constant strain of trying to hold said tears back. I feel anything but courageous.

I wondered what the word actually means and it doesn’t take much googling to find out the meaning. Here are a few of the different expressions of what courage means:

Strength in the face of pain or grief.

The choice and willingness to confront agony, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.

The reality of living with infertility is that every day, week, month, year is completely full of grief, pain, uncertainty, agony, intimidation. That is our life. There is nothing I can say that will explain the deep heartache that we have to endure day in, day out.

But do we face the pain? And do we carry on and try again?

Absolutely we do.

We are incredibly courageous. I don’t feel it and I repeat, I feel so, so weak. Yet I choose to face the pain, the heartache, the grief, the uncertainty because there is the tiniest voice in my heart reminding me that there is hope at the end of this.

We show courage in other ways; every time we choose to open up about it and tell someone new, that takes courage; when our friend who knows about it asks us how we are, and we respond with true, raw honesty, that takes courage; when we go to the doctors or the hospital to find out more about our ‘issues’, that takes courage.

This is a journey where courage is everything. Without it, our dream would have fallen apart a very long time ago. Because our courage, as the picture and quote says, every day we are able to say that we will try again tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.